What Goals Do You Hope to Achieve This Year?

Happy New Year!

The idea of New Year's Resolutions is built upon the same premise that under-girds the entire women's magazine industry. The premise is that "You suck and that's sad!"

The fact that I wrote this in January and didn't post it until now is a testament to the level of my sad suckiness.

Every year, I set goals and I hope for better outcomes than I've had in the past. Every year, my list of resolutions is the same: lose weight, keep an orderly house, study the scriptures, save money.  Every January since I was old enough to hold a pen, I've been recording goals to work on my weaknesses. This year is no different than any other year. I'm still brainstorming a list of things that are wrong with me that I ought to fix.

Lately, I seem to be falling to pieces. Is it another major depressive episode? Is it my thyroid? Is it menopause? Is it a combo platter of all three--the trifecta of tiresome?

What if I listened to the advice of my best and dearest friends instead of that nasty little inner critic?You know, that imp that reads over my shoulder and whispers, "You suck and that's sad."

Maybe this year, instead of fixing what's wrong with me, I could strengthen and celebrate what is good!

This year, I want to spend my time and energy on things I love. I want to feel whole and peaceful. I want to enjoy everything.

So in order to work from a position of my strengths, Maggie will commit to the following:

• Read 24 books this year.
• Bonus points for finishing a book that I started and enjoyed but didn't finish. 
• Permission granted to not bother finishing books I'm not enjoying (*cough cough Game of Thrones). 
• Suggestion--read to go to sleep instead of binge-watching Netflix.
• Complete the #52Stories Challenge
• Suggestion--write one story each Sunday.
• This counts as 1 of 52.
• Attend the temple at least six times
• Go on a monthly date
• Must be able to spin it as nourishing to the soul
• Mulligans are not only permitted but encouraged
• I can invite
• child(ren)
• grandchild(ren)
• friend(s)
• me, myself and I
• Spend time everyday writing something
• That novel ain't writing itself
• Schedule time each week to work on family history research
• See Thomas MacEntee's Genealogy Do-Over

How would your resolution list look if you committed to working from a position of your strengths rather than focusing on your weaknesses? Comment below and follow me on You Pin Face Insta Twit

"Who Do I Think I Am" Thursday: The Family Curse

My mother believes that there is some sort of family curse that causes the daughters in the family to make imprudent first marriages.

If you know nothing else about Mormons, you know that family is huge--not just in the 15-seater extended van sense. Family bonds are of paramount importance. Family is second only to, and yet inextricably intertwined with, our personal relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ. Knowledge and Family are the only things you can take with you. Anything that can have a divisive effect on the family is an evil to be guarded against at all costs. To have a family with a legacy of divorce in a faith that focuses so strongly on the sacred and eternal nature of marriage and family can be devastating.

When my sister divorced her first husband, she felt judged, misunderstood and cast adrift. She was alone in Detroit with a toddler, and tragically young. My experience was very different. My ward rallied around me. Sisters brought casseroles. Home teachers changed my locks like they did this kind if thing every Sunday after church. My children and I were loved, supported and protected throughout the ordeal--and we continue to be. Why this should be the case, I don't know. Maybe that's a subject for another post.

My parents marriage was my mother’s second attempt. They celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary one month before my father died. They kissed hello and good bye, got on each other's nerves, fought, and made up and went on. 

My mother made the comment once that she and Dad were staunch friends. As a teenager, I thought that was sad, disappointing, and somehow, anticlimactic. Where was the passion? What the heck do teenagers know? My own marriage had passion--in the form of melodrama. Crisis management was the goal. After my divorce, I began to see the wisdom of the steady warmth of staunch friendship. 

My parents were called as temple workers in the Chicago Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Having that time to travel together and work together  in the temple gave them the opportunity to renew their courtship. It was delightful to see their romance come full circle back to bliss. 

Of the 14 cousins and siblings in my generation, the boys have overwhelmingly better odds at marriage. Jimmy died in infancy and Tim hasn't been married. That gives us an even split six boys and six girls. Only one of the boys has been divorced--my brother George--twice. Only one of the girls has avoided divorce--my cousin Linda.

The curse continues to the next generation. My nieces have bet on the wrong horse, as it were. Not sure about my cousins’ children--I should write a letter once in a while and follow up. My mother has frequently lamented, “if only we could teach our girls to make wise decisions about men.” 

The good news is that most of us seem to get it right the second time around. 

The quest to discover how this family curse started and how it can be broken begins with my maternal grandparents, George and Gladys (Goddard) Carpen. Are those not delightful names for an unhappy couple? They divorced in the latter half of the 1930's. We'll see what I can learn in the weeks to come and how it relates to girls on my dad's side.