Newbie Tuesday: Reconnect with the Living

Every website, every book, every magazine article for beginning genealogists all say the same things to get you started: Start with what you know and talk to old people.
Every beginning genealogist says the same thing: I don't know anything and I don't want to bother the old people.

In my head the conversation goes something like this--"Hi Roland? This is Maggie...Mitchell... your cousin...your dad's sister, your Aunt Joan? Yeah, she's my mom. Yes, Little Peggy. That's me. Listen, I know I haven't seen you since your wedding in 1971--and I was 6 at the time--but do you think you could drop everything so I can pick your brain for family information?" (Roland-if you're reading this-I don't mean to suggest you're old, you're just the eldest of my cousins. I'm 45; you're 17 years older than me. From the kids' point of view, we are definitely old. Love ya. Call me.)

The experts all say to do this before it's too late. So then the scenario in my head looks like this:
"Hi Mom, how are you?"
"I'm fine, honey, how are you?"
"I'm good. Hey, I was hoping I could ask you some family history questions. I brought my tape recorder...."
Dear God, no, not the tape recorded interview, I'm not ready to die. Am I dying? The kids think I'm dying. Did my doctor tell them something he didn't tell me??

This is why, in spite of everything all of the experts say, I still haven't spoken to my cousin Roland since 1971 and I still haven't interviewed my mother--well, I have, sort of. She keeps telling me stories of her ex-husband's family. That's a subject for another post.

Here's what I want you to do. Close your eyes (figuratively--I still need you to read) and picture your ex-husband's first cousin's child (your ex-first cousin once removed, by the way). You haven't seen this child since he was in diaper's at a Family Reunion in Winterset the year of the divorce. He sends you a Flat Stanley for a school project and asks you to dress him up and send him back with a little information about where you live. Do you think to yourself who does this kid think he is? Do you tear Flat Stanley into pieces and put the pieces in the shredder and then burn the shreds? Of course not. More than likely, you say "Awww..." and participate in the project (maybe after an apologetic email to the teacher for being late returning it). It's the same thing when it comes to talking to your relatives about family history. These are people who, even if they haven't seen you since the Nixon administration, remember your connection and, on some level, love you, because that's just how blood is.

My niece contacted me with questions about her family history (which as luck would have it is my mother's ex-husband's family). I was thrilled. I haven't gotten back to her because my own perfectionism took control of my brain. That's a subject for another post.

I'll make a deal with you. Get out your Christmas Card address list-remember last week, I told you you'd need it. You call an old family member and at least break the ice for a future call, and I'll do the same. Who knows, you might get to talking about family memories. Report your results in the comments below.

Oh, and send back Flat Stanley before summer vacation....