Tender Mercies: God Likes Me!

First of all, let me just tell you how grateful I am to have my computer back. I must say the Geniuses at the Apple Store at Bay Shore Mall are my new best friends. They gave me great customer service and got my computer back to me in two days rather than the 5 to 7 they had prepared me for. At work, we are reminded to under promise and over deliver. This clearly works, because I can't stop giving the Apple Store free advertising.

Secondly, I have just been raking in the good luck. I found Megan Smolenyak Smolenyak's Who Do You Think You Are? The Essential Guide to Tracing Your Family History. I definitely want to have Megan over for dinner. She speaks my language. I feel like I should at least send her a muffin basket. More on this book in another post.

Third, I was sitting at the piano in Primary (Children's Sunday School for those of you who don't speak Mormon). Half of my brain was focusing on the paralytic perfectionism that has been keeping me from writing anything of substance and it's kept my researching wheels spinning. The next song I played for the kiddos to sing was Families Can Be Together Forever, the last line of which is "the Lord has shown me how I can." I felt as though this song was directed at me.

The Lord knows what I'm trying to do. He knows how to teach me to do the things I'm trying to accomplish. He's putting resources in my path to help me be successful. I just have to look around and recognize them. 

So as the Primary children were singing this song, I felt God tell me, "You're okay Kiddo, just keep plugging along." I've always known that God loves me. Today it feels as though He likes me, too. 

Serendipity Saturday: Family Tree Magazine--Just for me???

The spacebar on my darling MacBook broke...off. So, Saturday, after work, while my kids were having a Father's Day/Birthday picnic with their dad and new step-mom (that's a post for another day) I drove down to Milwaukee to Bay Shore Mall to visit the Genius Bar at the Apple Store. I got really, really good service. Which is why, even though genealogy is a little less convenient on Mac, I still love Apple. 

Anyway, Barnes and Noble (my other place of worship) is conveniently kiddy-corner to the Apple Store so I had to go in. I picked up the July 2011 issue of Family Tree Magazine. In the sealed plastic wrapper there was a copy of Family Tree Builder 5.0 (this is of no use to me, I have Mac, see above--if you want it, it's yours). On the cover, the featured articles got me excited. Not only did they have articles about the state census and top 40 genealogy blogs (so I can check out how to do this right), there is an article on 

research tips for Detroit!

This article alone is worth the price of the magazine, the drive down to Milwaukee, the broken spacebar...and the order of Mushroom Stroganoff with Braised Beef at Noodles & Co. 

My family came from the various old countries (England, Germany, Switzerland and Romania) and settled in Detroit between 1832 and 1923. My nuclear family moved to Wisconsin in 1971, but aunts, uncles and cousins remain in Detroit. 

I was thinking that I was just going to have to take a trip to Detroit to visit family and to raid the courthouse. Good thing I picked up this issue of Family Tree Magazine. Now I have a wealth of resources to try online before making a trip. This also gives me a new angle to use when reconnecting with my cousins: "I saw this article about genealogy in Detroit and so naturally that made me think of you and how long it's been since we talked." I'd totally go for that if the shoe were on the other foot.

So, all because Family Tree Magazine was publishing an article on Detroit research tips, God arranged for my spacebar to break, so I'd be near the bookstore and of course go in and buy the magazine, thereby opening the path for finding more dead people to write to you about. That's Serendipity.

Wecipe Wednesday: Max Makes Cookies pt I & II

Yesterday was my birthday. As a little gift to myself I'm posting two of my top ten favorite videos of all time (Part 1 and Part 2)--and one of my top ten favorite recipes of all time (Chocolate Chip Cookies). Thank you to my talented 18yo. Take 17 minutes out of your day and enjoy the film-making elan of Max Carroll. You can watch more of his videos on YouTube. Look for TheOtakuMax.

Tender Mercies: Happy Father's Day

Today's post is a talk I gave a year ago when I was visiting the branch I grew up in. I've been thinking about it lately so I decided to pull it out, dust it off and post it.

Most, if not all, of you knew my father. You know how blessed I am. I feel like Nephi did at the beginning of the Book of Mormon. "I, [Margaret] having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father.”

When my dad was in the hospital, and then when he passed on, I thought quite a bit about being taught in the learning of my father. He was an accountant, very skilled in math. I am a music teacher, I can count to 4 over and over again. I thought about the lessons my father had taught me. My brother and I were talking about this. We realized that our dad was not the type to sit us down and have heart-to-heart talks with us. Of course, we talked about all manner of things, but he never said to me, “Peg, a good work ethic is an important character trait.” He simply got up every morning, put on his tie and went to work. He never said, “always be honest” he simply was honest. He didn’t tell me how important education was, he just never stopped learning. He didn’t explicitly teach us life’s lessons, he simply lived them. He just walked the walk. I am eternally grateful for the example that he set for me.

Unfortunately, in our society, and indeed within our Church, there are many who are not as fortunate as I have been. According to the National Center for Health Statistics nearly 40% of all babies born in the US are born to single mothers. Twenty-five million children are being raised in single parent households. Maybe this is your story as well. Maybe your own father was absent. Perhaps he died, perhaps your parents were divorced, perhaps he was there in body but not in spirit. For you, Father’s Day may be a difficult day to celebrate. 

Our Heavenly Father loves us, he knows us individually, and he does not leave us comfortless. If your story is a fatherless one, who filled that gap for you? Did your mom play both roles? Was it an uncle, a grandfather, a step-dad ? (the Savior was raised by a step-dad by the way) I hope that we will take time today to thank and honor not only our biological fathers, but also our good father figures.

I have had some very fine examples set for my children not only by their grandfather, but by bishops, home teachers, quorum leaders, and family friends. I have offered many prayers of gratitude for these men. 

I remember a deacons quorum leader in the foyer with his arms around Max’s shoulders teaching him how to tie his tie. I remember coming home in the wee hours after one of many visits to the ER with my daredevil son Spencer and having my home teacher chastise me. “I don’t care if it’s three in the morning...911 first, home teacher second.” Many, many calls for priesthood blessings when Liam was raging out of control from a misdiagnosed, incorrectly medicated mood disorder. Good bishops and leaders who taught my sons how to perform their priesthood duties. A home teacher who baptized my youngest. Full-time missionaries and ward missionaries who came to my home and taught my son-in-law the gospel. Family friends who took my boys along on Father and Son campouts, taught my daughter how to change tires and change oil, made household and automotive repairs I couldn’t do on my own.

How grateful I am to these men for taking to heart the Apostle James’ words, “Pure religion and undefiled before God the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction...” (James 1:27) 

How grateful I am that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, while sensitive to those in differing circumstances, continues to teach that a traditional nuclear family with a mother and a father, legally and lawfully wedded, is the correct model to follow. 

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World the Church makes clear Heavenly Father’s revealed pattern. 

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. ¶1

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. ¶6

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

¶7

WE WARN that individuals ... who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets. ¶8

What an inspired document this is! Yes, individual adaptation is sometimes unavoidable. As a non-traditional family, we have to look at ourselves and say, “This is the way things are and we will do the best we can with what we have. HOWEVER! this is not the way it is SUPPOSED to be.” 

The world’s loud clamoring sends a very different, very persistent, very repetitive, and very destructive message. Even supposedly wholesome family entertainment that demonstrates two-parent households portrays those parents as bumbling idiots not worthy of respect. Shows that portray loving parents with respectful children are derided as corny, schmaltzy and unrealistic. It seems that it is more important to be witty and ironic than it is to be kind and unselfish.

May we make a conscientious effort to block out and reject the world’s clamoring and Satan’s none-too-subtle attack on the home and family. 

This past year and a half, our home has had a very fluid and chaotic structure as our household went from being myself and four minor children to being myself, four minor children, my married daughter’s family of four, two extra grandchildren, a returned missionary, a returned 19yo and his buddy, two dogs, four guinea pigs, a rat, a toad, a gecko and a tank of fish. As we struggled to adjust a multi-generational, multi-family household, my 19yo encouraged me to remind myself with a chant. Whose house? MY house! 

Let’s take back our homes and our families with this protective attitude. Whose house? MY house. Practice saying it on the way home today. It’s fun!

Let us make our homes havens where “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

The Proclamation concludes with these words: WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of gov- ernment everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Let us be as Joshua when he issued the challenge “Choose you this day whom ye will serve; but (say it with me) as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

Free Play Friday: Another Poem About Family

This poem was written for a Poem-a-Day Chapbook Challenge. The prompt was to write a Love poem. The inspiration was a beautiful, intelligent 8th grade student I had who became a mother during Christmas vacation. Of course, names have been changed. This, and other poems can be enjoyed at www.virtualpoetryreading.com

Monica Says

Monica says, “My parents don’t trust me.

They say I don’t know what love is.

I’m too young to know. 

They’re just too old to remember.”

No Monica.

They remember all too well the pain

Of being fooled by love’s counterfeit.

They want to spare you that pain.

When you are thirteen,

Love is beautiful,

Airbrushed, glossy

and slick.

Just like the cover of a magazine.

It feels real, but it’s make believe.

So they tell you 

“You don’t know what love is”

as they kiss the seven of you good night.

Kiss each other

And hurry to catch two different buses

to make the third shift.

"Who Do I Think I Am" Thursday: The Family Curse

My mother believes that there is some sort of family curse that causes the daughters in the family to make imprudent first marriages.

If you know nothing else about Mormons, you know that family is huge--not just in the 15-seater extended van sense. Family bonds are of paramount importance. Family is second only to, and yet inextricably intertwined with, our personal relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ. Knowledge and Family are the only things you can take with you. Anything that can have a divisive effect on the family is an evil to be guarded against at all costs. To have a family with a legacy of divorce in a faith that focuses so strongly on the sacred and eternal nature of marriage and family can be devastating.

When my sister divorced her first husband, she felt judged, misunderstood and cast adrift. She was alone in Detroit with a toddler, and tragically young. My experience was very different. My ward rallied around me. Sisters brought casseroles. Home teachers changed my locks like they did this kind if thing every Sunday after church. My children and I were loved, supported and protected throughout the ordeal--and we continue to be. Why this should be the case, I don't know. Maybe that's a subject for another post.

My parents marriage was my mother’s second attempt. They celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary one month before my father died. They kissed hello and good bye, got on each other's nerves, fought, and made up and went on. 

My mother made the comment once that she and Dad were staunch friends. As a teenager, I thought that was sad, disappointing, and somehow, anticlimactic. Where was the passion? What the heck do teenagers know? My own marriage had passion--in the form of melodrama. Crisis management was the goal. After my divorce, I began to see the wisdom of the steady warmth of staunch friendship. 

My parents were called as temple workers in the Chicago Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Having that time to travel together and work together  in the temple gave them the opportunity to renew their courtship. It was delightful to see their romance come full circle back to bliss. 

Of the 14 cousins and siblings in my generation, the boys have overwhelmingly better odds at marriage. Jimmy died in infancy and Tim hasn't been married. That gives us an even split six boys and six girls. Only one of the boys has been divorced--my brother George--twice. Only one of the girls has avoided divorce--my cousin Linda.

The curse continues to the next generation. My nieces have bet on the wrong horse, as it were. Not sure about my cousins’ children--I should write a letter once in a while and follow up. My mother has frequently lamented, “if only we could teach our girls to make wise decisions about men.” 

The good news is that most of us seem to get it right the second time around. 

The quest to discover how this family curse started and how it can be broken begins with my maternal grandparents, George and Gladys (Goddard) Carpen. Are those not delightful names for an unhappy couple? They divorced in the latter half of the 1930's. We'll see what I can learn in the weeks to come and how it relates to girls on my dad's side. 

Wecipe Wednesday: Roasted Vegetables

You've probably noticed that the recipes I post tend to be high-carb, high-fat, high-sugar, comfort foods. Well, here's the thing...they call it comfort food for a reason. It makes you feel cozy and warm inside, either because of the actual ingredients, or because of the memories associated with the food. A dear friend taught me how to make these delicious vegetables one summer evening to go with grilled steaks. I have made them as a hearty winter side-dish and as a low-maintenance vegetarian entree. I'm just going to list ingredients, all of which are optional except the olive oil. Quantities are fudge-able. Just eye-ball it.

Roasted Vegetables
Potatoes (Russet, red, whatever ya got--I leave the peel on)
Onions
Carrots
Sweet potatoes
Onion soup mix
or Beef or chicken or vegetable bouillon powder
Montreal steak seasoning
or Salt and pepper
Olive oil
Heat oven to 425. Cut the vegetables into bite-size chunks and toss them into a roasting pan. I have a big family so I use my turkey roaster. Drizzle with olive oil. Stir to coat. Sprinkle with seasonings. Stir to coat. Roast it in the oven, Stir it every 15 minutes or so until vegetable are tender and potatoes have a nice golden brown glow. Time depends on how much you're cooking. I will sometimes throw a beef roast on top of the vegetables and cook it low and slow at 325 for 2 hours. Don't sweat it, it's just vegetables.

Newbie Tuesday: Keeping Stuff Straight

Those who know me in real life are probably going to roll on the floor laughing when they read this...Ya gotta keep your materials organized (yes, I said the O word--you can stop laughing now).

You can get all fancy with color-coded folders and binders. I prefer the KISS method (Keep It Simple, Sweetie). Any organizational method that gets too fussy will trigger paralytic perfectionism.

I have an accordion file that closes with Velcro. I started with four (cheap) manila file folders--one for each grandparent with the surname scrawled in big Sharpie marker across the cover. Any copies, scraps of paper, sticky notes, or charts went into the folder. This worked fine for a while. You may want to start here. When I found that I was flipping through too many pages to find what I needed, I amped up system.

The next step was a (cheap manila) file folder for each married couple in my direct line. I label the tab like this:

MITCHELL, Norman Wilfred (1898-1972)

SUTTER, Margaret Ann (1900-1976)

On the inside cover of each folder, I list information that is missing for that family group.

Wedding date

Wedding place

Aunt Valerie's middle name

Aunt Irene's death date

Even though I'm the world's biggest "put-it-here-for-now" culprit, this system is simple enough to keep all the notebook pages and photocopies and pictures and scraps and charts and research logs and sticky notes where they belong. 

FHE: What Max is Taking Away

 Child Number 5 graduated from high school last Sunday. This was a last minute development. We weren't sure until Thursday he would be able to participate in the Commencement Activities. Then he did not notify the Grandparents.

Just before the big event, Max was modeling his cap and gown. I asked him, now that he was on the threshold of grown-up-hood, what he felt he had learned from me. He said that he'd learned to think for himself and not to blindly accept what others were cramming down his throat.

Consider, if you will, free agency, the ability to think and choose and act for ourselves, is of such vital importance, it was the central issue in an attempted coup d'etat in Heaven! If that's the lesson my child is taking away from me, than I think I've done all right.

It was  a compliment and a relief, because my daily parenting prayer is, "Dear Lord, please don't let me screw this up!"

What lessons did you take away from growing up with your parents?

Free Play Friday: It's My Blog; I Can Do What I Want!

A poem that I wrote for a Poem-A-Day Chapbook Challenge. The prompt for the day was Containment. I think it fits the broad, overall theme of the blog. You can enjoy this and others at my friend Buddah Moskowitz's site, www.virtualpoetryreading.com

Extra-vehicular Activity

Your Extra-vehicular Mobility Unit is ready.

Your nine months of training is about to pay off.

Beware! it is a hostile environment. 

Gaseous Atmosphere.

Sensory input may be overwhelming.

Body systems will take several months to acclimate.

You will feel the need to sleep 70% of the time at first.

This is normal.

This feeling of jet lag will gradually subside.

You will be under constant surveillance until you have demonstrated

adequate proficiency in navigating the terrain. 

Immediate proximity to your host is vital to your survival.

You have one shot at this

Do not screw this up.

OK?

The pod bay doors are open.

GO! GO! GO!

It’s a girl!

Wecipe Wednesday: Mary's Mac and Cheese Instant Supper Thing

I mentioned yesterday that we are dealing with my mother being out of commission with two bad knees both of which are swollen to the size of a decent Honeydew melon. To add insult to injury, her car wouldn't start. So we got back to Algoma around 10:00. My sister-in-law is absolutely amazing. She whipped up this yummy meal for us in no time at all. This dish is a prime example of emergency comfort food.
Really the recipe is just the list of ingredients. You can figure it out on your own.

2 boxes of Macaroni and Cheese (whatever brand is your favorite...or cheapest)
Chopped Onion
Chopped Celery
Frozen peas
1 can of tuna
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
French fried onions (optional if you want a little crunch)

That's it. The funny thing is, Mary says it's Mom's recipe.

Share your favorite emergency comfort meal in the comments below.

Newbie Tuesday: FHC

This week is ganging up on me and it's only Monday. My son graduated from high school on Sunday. We weren't sure until Thursday morning that he would be allowed to participate in the Commencement exercises. Max is a big believer in deathbed repentance.

Monday, I got to work and thought,  I shouldn't be here. An hour later, stuff happened. My sister called from NoCal to tell me that my brother in SoCal had talked to our mother, who lives an hour away from me in Northeastern Wisconsin.  Mom had knee replacement surgery scheduled for this morning. She had to postpone it because she blew out her good knee. So Patrick and I drove up to see her.

When we arrived at Mom's house, the car was in the driveway, but the lights were off, the door was locked and she didn't answer the door. I called her cell phone. No answer. I called the house phone. No answer. I thought maybe, my  brother or sister-in-law had taken her to the doctor. I called my brother. She wasn't with him. We knocked again and heard Mom call out for help.  Luckily, Paul lives close by so he arrived with the spare house key in no time. Mom was all alone out of reach of her phone and unable to get up.

We consulted with Mom's doctors' offices and we were advised to take her to the emergency room. That was a less than satisfactory experience, but that's a topic for another post. Then at the pharmacy, her car wouldn't start. So we transferred her into my minivan (which smells of wet dog and sweat socks).  She is spending the night at my brother's house, which is all on one level. Patrick and I are staying at Mom's house which is all stairs. No wonder her knees are shot.

The marvelous thing about this adventure was that A) I had the opportunity to serve my mother--something her English stiff upper lip won't allow and B) We talked about family history. So, I can honestly say that I kept my end of our deal from last Newbie Tuesday. I talked to an older relative about genealogy. Did you????  If you did comment below and let me know how it went. If you did not, Chicken...Bwak, bwak, bwak!

Mom told me a little more about my grandfather...but that's a topic for another post.

Last week, which was much less dramatic, gave me the opportunity to visit our local Family History Center (FHC). Family History Centers are located throughout the world in many of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints buildings. These are local branches of the Family History Library in Salt Lake City. Services are free of charge (except for copies or a small fee if you need to order a microfilm). You do not have to be a Mormon to use the facilities. The staff is always friendly and eager to help you.

I went to the FHC at the local church and sought the advice of a very skilled, very talented genealogist, my dear friend Karen. I told her my woes:

• Flitting
• Duplicating effort
• Not knowing where to start
• Not knowing what to do next
• Not knowing how to keep my research organized.
• Not sure I'm citing my sources correctly
• What the heck made me think I could write a blog about this
• AAARGGHH!!!

Her advice gave me great comfort. She said, "Do as I say, not as I do." She also said not to allow perfectionism be the killer of "good enough."

Here is some of the guidance she gave me.

1. Start with what you know
2. Talk to old people--talk to old people who are more distant relatives--they will be delighted.
3. Keep a research log. Download one here: http://www.familysearch.org/Eng/Search/RG/frameset_rg.asp?Dest=G1&Aid=&Gid=&Lid=&Sid=&Did=&Juris1=&Event=&Year=&Gloss=&Sub=&Tab=&Entry=&Guide=ResLog.ASP   Keep track of where you've searched and what you've found, even if what you've found is NOTHING. (No more duplicating effort)
4. It doesn't have to be perfect. Good enough is good enough.
5. If you don't know what line to focus on, pray about it and guidance will come. Dead people will talk to you--but that's a topic for another post.

Your assignment (by "assignment" I mean guilt-free optional exploration activity) for this week is to go to  http://www.familysearch.org/eng/library/fhc/frameset_fhc.asp and find out where your local FHC is.

Extra credit for actually calling or visiting. Leave a comment below and let me know how it went.

Free Play Friday: Dear Suzanne

Dear Suzanne,
When I started this blog, I wasn't really sure what it was going to look like. I knew I needed to write. I knew that my family's story was still untold.

I have had a book stuck inside of me for years. I have been paralyzed by fear of criticism, fear of being trite, fear of being maudlin, self-absorbed, boring. I keep buying books on how to write, hoping that by doing it "right," it will be good. The problem is that fear of doing it "wrong" is keeping the book unwritten. An unwritten book is neither good nor bad, just desperately sad.

Still, when I frantically search the bookstore trying to find a book, the Spirit whispers this reminder: the book is not at the bookstore because I haven't written it yet. I have prayed to know what form this book should take, what it should be about. I get nothing. So I write nothing. When I have ideas, I can't drop what I'm doing to get them down on paper before they evaporate. When I try to reconstruct the idea that I had, the sparkle is gone.

I have decided to write to you, Suzanne. I know that you will keep me honest without being judgmental or critical. All the years we've known each other, you have always been gentle, kind and, above all, true. You are, quite literally, my better angel.

Maggie

Wecipe Wednesday: Patrick's Rice Pudding

This recipe is my 23-year-old son's specialty. I think I clipped the original version out of Family Fun magazine. We have tweaked it over the years, so I'm claiming it as ours. This dish is a dessert, it's a breakfast, it's been known to be served as dinner because it was a stormy night and it just sounded yummy. It can be served warm or cold. We usually eat it warm because we don't want to wait any longer.

Creamy Rice Pudding

3 cups cooked rice
3 cups milk
1 cup sugar (adjust to taste)
1/4 cup butter
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
nutmeg (optional)
raisins (optional)

Combine rice, milk, sugar, and butter in a medium saucepan. Stir constantly over medium-high heat until mixture boils and gets thick. This could take 20-30 minutes. Be patient; it's worth it. Beat eggs and vanilla together. Spoon a small amount of the rice mixture into the egg mixture. Add egg mixture and stir quickly so you don't get scrambled eggs in your pudding. Serve warm or cold with a sprinkle of nutmeg and some raisins. Comment below and let me know how you liked it.