"Who Do I Think I Am" Thursday: The Family Curse

My mother believes that there is some sort of family curse that causes the daughters in the family to make imprudent first marriages.

If you know nothing else about Mormons, you know that family is huge--not just in the 15-seater extended van sense. Family bonds are of paramount importance. Family is second only to, and yet inextricably intertwined with, our personal relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ. Knowledge and Family are the only things you can take with you. Anything that can have a divisive effect on the family is an evil to be guarded against at all costs. To have a family with a legacy of divorce in a faith that focuses so strongly on the sacred and eternal nature of marriage and family can be devastating.

When my sister divorced her first husband, she felt judged, misunderstood and cast adrift. She was alone in Detroit with a toddler, and tragically young. My experience was very different. My ward rallied around me. Sisters brought casseroles. Home teachers changed my locks like they did this kind if thing every Sunday after church. My children and I were loved, supported and protected throughout the ordeal--and we continue to be. Why this should be the case, I don't know. Maybe that's a subject for another post.

My parents marriage was my mother’s second attempt. They celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary one month before my father died. They kissed hello and good bye, got on each other's nerves, fought, and made up and went on. 

My mother made the comment once that she and Dad were staunch friends. As a teenager, I thought that was sad, disappointing, and somehow, anticlimactic. Where was the passion? What the heck do teenagers know? My own marriage had passion--in the form of melodrama. Crisis management was the goal. After my divorce, I began to see the wisdom of the steady warmth of staunch friendship. 

My parents were called as temple workers in the Chicago Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Having that time to travel together and work together  in the temple gave them the opportunity to renew their courtship. It was delightful to see their romance come full circle back to bliss. 

Of the 14 cousins and siblings in my generation, the boys have overwhelmingly better odds at marriage. Jimmy died in infancy and Tim hasn't been married. That gives us an even split six boys and six girls. Only one of the boys has been divorced--my brother George--twice. Only one of the girls has avoided divorce--my cousin Linda.

The curse continues to the next generation. My nieces have bet on the wrong horse, as it were. Not sure about my cousins’ children--I should write a letter once in a while and follow up. My mother has frequently lamented, “if only we could teach our girls to make wise decisions about men.” 

The good news is that most of us seem to get it right the second time around. 

The quest to discover how this family curse started and how it can be broken begins with my maternal grandparents, George and Gladys (Goddard) Carpen. Are those not delightful names for an unhappy couple? They divorced in the latter half of the 1930's. We'll see what I can learn in the weeks to come and how it relates to girls on my dad's side.